The Stonewall Builder
Liz 1: Narrator- Liz Clark
Liz 2: Molly
Liz 3: Lorraine
Liz 4: Mide
Hi ,My name is liz clark I’m a singer songwriter from america. I used to tour the world singing in bars and now i live here in west cork with my family. About ten years ago I started to work in hospitals, playing music with older people. This is a story about my experiences during that time. These are my friends who are going to help me
This is Molly O’Mahony
Lorraine Crowley
Mide Houlihan
(without further ado. Lets go)
Wide Open Mind
Liz 1: I started on an 8 week trial in a West Cork community hospital to experiment and see if I could actually write songs with older people, some living with dementia.
Liz 3: I knew nothing then of old Irish songs. I knew nothing of the townlands and their Irish names, the milk separator , threshing day, dance halls and spring wells. I was new to their world.
Liz 1: This would end up being my work for the next 10 years.
Say what you wanna say, I’m not judging in any way, here it is completely safe.
Liz 3: Share with me your memories, this can be your legacy, I’ll turn it into memory.
Liz 2: Most of the time, I sell it like this- I’M the one who wants to write this song. I need their help.
Liz 1:Tell me again about how you’d watch your father come in in his hobnail boots and mark up the concrete floors….
Liz 2: That would be great for my song.
Liz 1:
For these two hours, I’m right here, I’m listening, I’m interested, take me there
All:
Wide open, Wide open mind
Wide Open, Wide Open mind
Liz 1:
A time Before electricity, before the TV. An Ireland that has changed so much...
Mary is so glamorous, always in lipstick, even at 96.
Liz 2: Jim loves the railroad stories
Liz 3: Sean knows all the rebel songs
Liz 1: Everyone knows all about my kids. Their names, their ages, how they’re getting on in school.
Liz 3: I bring them into the hospitals sometimes. The residents in the hospitals never forget. They remember my 5 year old’s interpretive dance to Silent Night at the christmas party (Wide Open Mind)
Liz 4: And I have in-laws that have a garden. And My mother-in-law had 2 goats that had 7 kids between them one day!
Liz 1: But the one and only person responsible for bringing me to Ireland, never gets a mention.
They are so generous with me, giving me so much. And yet I don’t share my story with them.
I ask people to share their lives with me, to let me in and I don’t do the same.
I’m afraid and so
There is a Wife-sized hole in my story.
All:
Wide open, Wide open mind
Wide Open, Wide Open mind
Liz 2: Say what you wanna say,
Liz 3: I’m not judging in any way,
Liz 4: here it is completely safe
Share with me your memories, this will be your legacy, I’ll turn it to melody
All:
Wide open, Wide open mind
Why Can’t I, Why Can’t I find
Say what you wanna say, I’m not judging in any way, here it is completely safe
Share with me your memories, this will be your legacy, I’ll turn it to melody
Why can’t I find
The courage to say
Share my story the same way
Why can’t I find
The courage to say
Share my story the same way
So, in case you haven’t figured it out. I’m gay. Actually we all are!
Liz 1, 2, 3: Hi , Hi Hi, Guilty
And we’re all playing me!
The reason I live with my family here is my wife is from just up the road here.
You haven’t met my wife yet. So let me tell you about her. This is a song I wrote about our origin story. Although actually it’s kind of more about me than her but she’s in there if you listen. Molly’s gonna take the lead. Hit it girls.
I’m here now
Liz 2:
I remember the days living under the BQE, next to the federal prison in Brooklyn
Climbing up to the 4th floor on 29th street
Gigging at Layla Lounge, that’s where I met you, you played the open mic,
We called it Whiskeybreath
That was the songwriter’s scene back in 2003
I guess that I miss it, the buzz and the trying
I wanted to be someone, I wanted to make it
But I don’t miss the grind, competing in sweepstakes
Life is a gamble, and I don’t miss the aching
Liz 4: But I’m here now
I’m here now
And I’m not going down
Liz 1:
I was full of spontaneity then, hilarious, full of trouble. But also full of lack, fear. My life now has this stability and grace because of her. I admire how she so naturally and seamlessly glides through life. She’s slow and steady, where I’m full of impulse.
Liz 2:
I met some of my heroes, I toured the world, sleeping in fancy hotels and sleeping on couches
Eventually I just stopped sleeping at all
My head was spinning didn’t know where I’d been, a disconnect kept creeping under my skin
That’s when the sound of your voice grinded me to a halt
I guess I was shaken, but I didn’t know it, I guess I was bruised and
My flame had expired
Still wanna make good work, still have it in me, still wanna animate and
I want to inspire
Liz 1:
So I’m here now
I’m here now
And I’m not done now
So here I am living in Ireland and working in hospitals and starting a family and being in love
But
When I first meet the residents in the hospitals, I hear the same question all the time- Is your husband Irish?
I start to dread it.
Is your husband Irish?
I don’t know why. I’m out everywhere else. Why don’t i just tell this lovely old people.
They just want to know my story- why am I here?
“Who would you be, now?” Is your husband irish?
Just like I’m asking for their stories.
So why do I do a tap dance every time to try and avoid an honest answer
A Tap Dance
Liz 4: Is your husband Irish?
Liz 1: my… my
Liz 2: Is your husband Irish?
Liz 1:my… my husband…
(Music kicks in)
Liz 3: What about your husband? Is he from Ireland?
Liz 1: My In-Laws are english
Liz 4: And what about himself? Is he Irish?
Liz 1: My in-laws are actually english
They came here in the 80s and reared their family here
I really…
I really wanna say (Inaudible whispers/ muttering)
(Music changes again)
Liz 3: Where did you meet your husband
Liz 1: I met my
Liz 2: So where did you meet your husband then?
I met my
I met my spouse…
Liz 4: Were you having a holiday in Ireland and met your husband then?
We met in New York
Liz 3:
Where did you meet your husband
Liz 1:
We met in New York… Ever been?
I really wanna say
Actually..
I have to say….
(Music changes to shuffles)
Liz 4: Who’s watching your kids now? Are they with their father?
Liz 1:They’re with grandma
Liz 2: Are the kids tall like their father?
Liz 1: They’re tall like me.
I really wanna say…
I have to say…
Actually…
They’re tall like me
Okay so maybe I fail at coming clean sometimes but I write a mean song and I have a great time with the residents where I work. And I love my work with them. It gives me perspective.
Stone Wall Builder
Liz 1:
Some people think songwriting is this mystical thing. That it comes from divine inspiration, the lightening bolt strikes us at strange times, even in the middle of night, in a dream. Well sometimes it is that way, but mostly it feels a lot more like work or labour than that to me.
I collect little ideas, I stack them up against each other, I balance words and syllables, I take things out that don’t work. To me, writing a song feels a lot like the dry stone walls I see speckled across the landscape around the west of ireland.
Who are the people doing these? I asked if there’s a special word for these makers of stone walls, as far as I know, there’s not. They’re more than just simple Stone Wall Builders. You have to learn the craft, You have to be patient and committed. I connect with this. This is what songwriting is.
I am a stone wall builder
When I build a Song
Selecting careful stones, working one by one
Til the job is done
I am a stone wall builder
The verses of the song are the stones. The tiny details. Down to which rhyme fits perfectly. Even imperfect rhymes actually fit perfectly sometimes. Yes, you can rhyme “again” with “”sense”. And the rhythm sounds of the words
I am a stone wall builder
When I write a Song
Looking for tiny holes, Balancing syllables
Til the job is done
I am a stone wall builder
When the verse is the stones, you can’t see the wall for the stones. The chorus is the when you step back and see the wall. How does this look from a few feet away? The whole tone changes. It opens up.
Step back and see the wall, Reflect on it overall
The beauty, the purpose, the job well done
Step back and see the wall, Reflect on it overall
Am I enough? Am I enough?
Then there’s the middle 8. In America, we usually call it The bridge of the song. It’s when the whole song gets distilled down to the “why”.WHy is it important you’re hearing this. You hear something different in the song for the first time, a different chord, a different perspective. I wonder, could this bridge connect my work in the hospitals to my personal life?
Remember the purpose. Get out of your head
Why did you come here? Is it to keep something in?
Remember why you come here. What keeps you coming back
Is it worth the trouble, Did I go off track
All:
I am a stonewall builder
Just one stone in the wall
Not quite fitting but always giving
Despite Fracture or fault
I am a stonewall builder
Building a song
Placing careful stones, one by one
Till the job is done
I am a stone wall
I am a stone wall
I am a stone wall
Stonewall Builder
Workshop With Lisa
Hannigan and Gemma
Hayes at Debarra's Clonakilty
It can be tough working in the non-profit sector, even when you love it. I’ve worked with youth groups and queer groups and in health care and in libraries. And as if it isn’t hard enough finding yourself back in the closet suddenly, you can find yourself smothered in well meaning bureaucracy, and competitive virtue signaling and then everyone seems to be coming at you. Let me explain. Let me vent. Let me sing.
Bitch Please
Liz 1: There was this lovely straight dude
Who tried to tell me it was Pride month
Liz 3: And I’m like “yeah I know”
Liz 1: And he tells me Pride isn’t a parade, it actually started out as a protest
Liz 3: And I’m like “Yeah, it all started with Stonewall”
Liz 1: And he’s like “yeah it’s this thing called Stonewall and this black trans lady or something started it”
Liz 3: And I’m like “yeah I know. I told you that…”
Liz 1:Then he proceeds to pull out his phone and show we a social media post and I’m like
“Bitch… Please”
All: Whoa Bitch, Please!
I know you’re trying to help me
I know you’re trying to help me
Whoa Bitch, Please!
I know you’re trying to help me
I know you’re trying to help me
Liz 2: “Come one, come all! For “Pride” month of June, we’re offering weekly drop-in crisis support sessions for all all LGBTQ+ people in need”
Liz 4: “Umm that’s great. I’m having a crisis, but it’s November”
Liz 2:“Nope, no no. Please have your crisis only in the month of June, thank you”
All: Whoa Bitch, Please!
I know you’re trying to help me
I know you’re trying to help me
Whoa Bitch, Please!
I know you’re trying to help me
I know you’re trying to help me
Liz 4: “I’m, like, really good with the gays. Because, like, my 2nd cousin is gay…. Do you know her?”
Liz 3:I can only keep my shit together so long
I can only keep my shit together so long
I’ve got limits, I’m slipping
How did I find myself stuck in this song
“Oh yeah. I get sometimes “which one of you is the guy?”
“Ugh, i hate that!”
“Or what about ‘Do you ever miss men’?
“One time I was walking with my girlfriend in Clare…”
“I have a story about this one time I was on the bus…”
“Oh no, not that one… Not that kinda show”
All: Whoa Bitch, Please!
I know you’re trying to help me
I know you’re trying to help me
Whoa Bitch, Please!
I know you’re trying to help me
I know you’re trying to help me
In this story, now is my middle 8. If i don’t get down to the WHY, how can i go forward? I find I can’t go into that room anymore. I can’t look at their faces. Not Mary, not Jim, Not Sean,Not Anne, who always invites me to tea at her house. And certainly not the lovely straight dude who want to show me his social media posts.
I have a block. I can’t progress. I can’t grow. I actually started to literally lose my voice all the time. I’d have to call in sick to work because I was hoarse. Insomnia set in. It was starting to derail my life. And then all the voices started to flood back in.
I Feel Like Quitting
Liz 2: “Your mom and I are really happy that you found someone, sweetie. But this life will be harder for you and I don’t want that for you”
Liz 3: “I’m just saying, honey, you have to take off your CV that you made an album with your wife. Especially if you’re working with kids. People won’t want to work with you”
Liz 1: All these tiny cuts, adding up all the time. I’m tired.
I actually feel like quitting. This is something I’m so good at, so how is it that I can’t even stand to go to work anymore. What’s lost if I come out, what’s gained?
Liz 3: I’m back to the same old story with the hills I climb
I’ve been working my ass off to make up a story that isn’t mine
Standing in the shade of the role I play
I’m not pleasing nobody or pleasing myself in this bed I’ve made
All: I feel like quitting
Liz 1: I’m not fitting in, in this country I’m in, I’m just a blow-in, where do I begin
I’m a Queer American, big city dwelling, I’m brash, annoying and don’t get me going
I’m not religious, does that make you suspicious
All:I feel like quitting
Liz 4: I’ve got my heart on my sleeve, I’ve got the shame on me
I’ve got my heart on my sleeve,
All:I feel like quitting
Liz 4:I’ve got my heart on my sleeve, I’ve got the shame on me
I’ve got my heart on my sleeve, I’ve got the shame on me
All: I feel like quitting
I feel like quitting
Liz 2: What they want , What I want, What I want
I feel like quitting
Liz 2: What they want, what she wants, what I want
I feel like quitting
What they want , What I want, What I want
I feel like quitting
Liz 4: (I’ve got my heart on my sleeve, I’ve got the shame on me
I’ve got my heart on my sleeve)
I feel like quitting
What they want, what she wants, what I want
(I’ve got my heart on my sleeve, I’ve got the shame on me
I’ve got my heart on my sleeve)
Liz 3:(I’m back to the same old story with the hills I climb
I’ve been working my ass off to make up a story that isn’t mine
Standing in the shade of the role I play
I’m not pleasing nobody or pleasing myself in this bed I’ve made)
I feel like quitting
Hold Steady Chant
Liz 1: Let me just be clear. It’s not Mary, sitting right in front of me in the nursing home that I’m afraid of. She’s not the problem. It’s not Sean or Jim or Anne or anyone at the hospital.
It’s these messages I hear, loud and clear all the time
News cycles, stories I hear about people who legitimately want me dead. People who might not want me dead, but they wish I didn’t exist. People like me.
Places, whole countries where I’m not welcome.
And the spiritual messages. Oh that’s the hardest one. I’m afraid already about being liked down here on earth. But now, god doesn’t like me? God doesn’t approve? Well then.
So see, Mary. Sean, Jim, Anne. It’s not you! You may not care. It’s the loud and consistent message that I’m not ok. And then I forget and dare to just go along with my life and then…
Liz 3: Is your husband Irish.
So simple. A question everyone can answer easily. But my antennae have become so sharp for these homophobic messages. I hear them everywhere and you don’t. At least I think you don’t. I don’t know. But for me, it’s like that all the time.
It’s exhausting.
It starts with I just don’t talk about my wife…
Then, I don’t talk about how we met
I don’t talk about my past
I don’t talk about the whole reason I came to Ireland
What am I left with?
Hold Steady chant/ news reels
All: (“Hold steady” vamp)
news reels: the Church of England’s position on same-sex marriage is “untenable” after a meeting with the archbishop of Canterbury.
Some 67 countries or jurisdictions worldwide criminalise consensual same-sex sexual activity, 11 of which can or do impose the death penalty, according to The Human Dignity Trust
“Don’t say gay” law in Florida, which forbids instruction on sexual orientation and gender identity from kindergarten up to third grade, as evidence of continued efforts to marginalise LGBTQ+ people.
Francis said there needed to be a distinction between a crime and a sin with regard to homosexuality. Church teaching holds that homosexual acts are sinful, or “intrinsically disordered”
The World Cup in Qatar is the most controversial yet - being held in a nation which forbids same-sex relations under Islamic Sharia law
A man who said he wanted to shoot gay people and asked the way to the nearest gay bar later opened fire there,killing one person and wounding six others, police said.
The shooting in Colorado Springs is the latest in a long line – until pundits and politicians stop demonising LGBT+ people, it won't be the last
“Liz 1: If you don’t get to speak
And you don’t get to love
You’re a balloon full of helium
Floating away above the sun
There’s nothing to tether you down
Nothing to hold on to
You’re just left out of view
Up above in the royal blue
You’re drowned in a sea of doubt
You can’t get out
You can’t get out
You’re drowned in a sea of doubt
You can't get out
You can’t get out
If you don’t get to be whole
And you don’t get to have truth
You’re just a person-like statue
Static. Unable to move…
You’re drowned in a sea of doubt
You can’t get out
You can’t get out
I’m drowned in a sea of doubt
I can't get out
I can’t get out
Gardaí believe that the double murder of Aidan Moffitt and Michael Snee in Sligo Would not have been the last. And the murderer would have continued to kill gay men if he had not been arrested.
Libraries issued with instructions for securing buildings as protesters try to remove LGTBQ+ books for young people
Okay folks here we are. We’re near the end and I still haven’t bitten the bullet. I haven’t told a single older person that I’m queer. And if a person over 90 hasn’t forgotten that your gay this morning is a lesbian really living her best life? You know what I’m saying sisters. It’s time for lizzo to piss or get off the pot. So did I come out? Did everyone cheer? Did they lift me in the air and sing my name? Well…. It kind of went more like this…
The Garden Waltz
Over Covid Lockdowns, I got a lot of new work doing remote sessions online. I met people only over the internet, not just in West Cork where I live, but Kerry, Clare, Dublin. Groups of people in hospitals, setting up little screens in Day rooms where people could sing along and healthcare assistants rushing in and out to push unmute buttons or speak again for a person I couldn’t hear in the background.
One group I worked with for almost a year online. They were about an hour and a half away and I met them in their homes over computers and iPads. We wrote a song together about their town, their
lives, their experiences. I adored each and every one of them.
We wrote a song together about their town, their lives, their experiences. I adored each and every one of them.
Liz 3: Finally our time has come to an end and now we’ve got a brilliant plan
Come to my house, come to my garden and share a space with me
I can’t be more excited to see you in the flesh, see your faces, how tall you are
and all of the rest
That I miss when I only can see you on the screen
Liz 1:
When you’re on a screen, they can’t see all of you. You make bigger gestures, framed in this little box, so people can read your body language… This past 10 years has sorta all been like that. I’ve been in this safe little box. Miles away…
Liz 1: Now let me introduce you to (ahem) the chef, who’s been making these quiches for you all morning
Who’s just as excited to meet you as me…
Liz 2: Say what you wanna say
I’m not judging in any way
Liz 3/2: Say what you wanna say
I’m not judging in any way
Liz 1: Here they come- got a lot of voices in my head
Here they come- going over the words I haven’t said
Here in garden she is next to me
Here in the garden with my family
Liz 4: Say what you wanna say
Liz 1: here they come what are these people going to say
I’m afraid. What if I’m never seen the same way
Here in garden she is next to me
Here in the garden with my family
Liz 2, 3, 4: Say what you wanna say
Liz 1: “I’d like to introduce you to … my wife”
This last song is called “Advice To A Younger Generation”. I asked almost 100 participants in Day Care Centres and hospitals the same question “What advice would you give the younger generation?” The answers I got were vast, funny, encouraging and so particular to West Cork.
We hope you enjoy it.